Mountain View Mommy: Sand, Trucks and Testosterone

December 13, 2007

Since we are on the potty theme

Filed under: Body Parts — by mvmommy @ 7:39 am

Apparently my son has a vivid imagination on how poop works.  Apparently it involves sleep.   Who knew?

Here are the most recent conversations on the subject:

“Mommy, the poop is still sleeping…. so I can’t poop right now.  It’s too tired.”

“The poop is awake now, but it is not ready to come out.  I need a minute for it to be ready.”

“Mommy!!!!  The poop waked up!!!!  It wakes up Mommy!!! Come quick!”

Nathan asked me if I told him all this nonsense.   Are you kidding?  I couldn’t come up with that stuff if I tried.


November 13, 2007

Drying off

Filed under: Body Parts — by mvmommy @ 9:58 am

There are many moments that occur during my day when I think… wow… I couldn’t have predicted that one. Often they are the funny moments, those moments that I just thought people made up about their kids to get a laugh. Now I know that those stories are true, because someone couldn’t possibly make these things up.

Tonight during bath-time things started off the same.

Whoever gets out of the bath first, gets to pick the book. Predictably, Andrew got out first and I gave him a towel to start drying off.

Andrew: Mom, feel me, I am all dry.

Nope honey, you still have to do your legs.

Andrew: My feel my legs they are all dry now.

Okay sweetheart almost, but you have to do the back of your legs too.

(At this point I have taken Justin out of the tub and he’s laying on the floor next to where Andrew is standing, and I am drying him off as I watch Andrew towel off.)

Andrew: Am I dry now mom?

Yup, good job. The only part you missed was your bottom and your penis. Don’t forget those.

Justin: Andrew has a big penis

It is at this point I notice that Justin’s is lying on the floor, with his head positioned almost straight under Andrew’s bum.    Of course, he is taking the opportunity to size up his brother.   Boys will be boys, it doesn’t matter the age;  size does matter to them.

Andrew finishes drying himself, but is still standing in range of Justin.

Justin takes the opportunity to reach up, grab Andrew’s penis, and say:
“I have Andrew’s penis!”

Andrew swats him away, without a word, and simply goes about getting his underwear on.

I am sitting on the floor at this point trying to compose myself.  Did that just happen?

I try to explain to Justin that we don’t grab our brother’s penis. In fact, we don’t grab anyone’s penis. In fact, we don’t touch anyone in that area, girl or boy. Unless …… oh forget it.

Get your clothes on boys, let’s get in bed. Mommy needs to go downstairs and have a glass of wine and figure out how Daddy is going to explain this all to you tomorrow.

August 24, 2007

Breaking my heart with each little follicle

Filed under: Body Parts — by mvmommy @ 1:25 pm

Recently I noticed that Andrew is getting hair on his legs. Not the hair that he was born with : the fine sweet baby hair that is like peach fuzz. This hair is more like hair that will be ‘man hair’ later. The kind of hair like his fathers, that will only get longer with time. It sounds odd, but I can’t tell you how much this saddens me.

I have this obsession with my children’s bodies. From the moment they were born I would stare at them in their perfect little baby shapes. I loved their big fat rolly baby bodies. I can be found often grabbing a chubby thigh and making my kids giggle. I love their big bald heads. And I love how toddlers have bellies that are disproportionate to every other part of their body. Their belly can enter a room before they ever do. I love their chubby arm rolls. And the dimples in their elbows and knees.

With one child, you don’t notice the slow evolution of baby to toddler to little boy. It happens gradually, and one day you are just smacked with the obvious fact that your child is no longer a baby or toddler. He is a big boy.

However, with two, it’s more obvious. Andrew getting ‘real’ hair on his legs makes it obvious. The fact he wears underwear makes it obvious. The fact that he is skin & bones & knees & elbows, makes it obvious. But him standing next to Justin makes it even more clear that Andrew’s toddler & baby days are LONG gone.

So lately I have been focusing on Justin. I have been trying to will the baby fat to stay on him. He is already losing his belly. Likewise he is gaining a longer neck. I can still see the chubby arms and thighs, but I know they will soon stretch out too. It makes me so sad.

I am not ready for my babies, to no longer be babies.

I find myself kissing & hugging & snuggling him more. I know the time is flying by. I don’t want to blink & miss it. I know that in a few more months, like his brother, he will no longer be interested in his mother mauling him. Soon he will be growing ‘real hair’ too on his legs, and he won’t have an ounce of baby fat to be found.

I know that this is just one of the MANY first steps in the process of my kids growing up. However I think I am going to mourn the loss of each ‘old’ phase a little bit when it happens. Who knew that I would already start feeling this way only a few years into it?

March 3, 2007


Filed under: Body Parts — by mvmommy @ 8:00 am

Five might be the number of fingers on your hand. Five might be the number of days in your work week. However, five in our house means the number of teeth that Justin is currently trying to pushing out of his gums.

If it sounds painful, it is because it is.

He has been a little stagnant in the teeth department for awhile now. He busted out the top 4 and bottom 4 pretty fast, all before he was 6 months old. However, there has been no activity to report since then. Months ago I noticed that his gums were swollen, but still nothing. Likewise he has been drooling as if his mouth is a leaky faucet, but again, nothing.

About a week ago, he finally cut his first molar. I guess he decided to skip the eye teeth – and go straight for the big guns. Poor kid didn’t know what hit him & was up about 4 times a night crying. Of course, I was a moron and thought he was just getting a cold (he’s pretty fussy when he gets a cold). Finally, about half-way through getting it out, I saw the little white points poking out in his mouth. Again, feeling like the biggest jerk alive… I went running for the Tylenol, and kept it flowing until the whole thing was out.

Today he seemed to be out of sorts. He kept fussing anytime something wasn’t exactly right. If he couldn’t lift the big garbage truck onto the table, he would cry. If his milk ran out in the sippy cup, he would cry. If Andrew looked at him the wrong way, he would cry. So I felt around in that mouth of his again… and sure enough, there are five more teeth trying to ram their way out. This time it’s the remaining three molars and the top two incisors.

It seems particularly cruel, to have to get 5 teeth all at one time – especially the molars. Andrew was lucky enough to get them one at a time, and the process was relatively uneventful. But Justin, it seems that he is getting walloped good.

I sure hope it’s over soon… the poor guy could use some uninterrupted sleep, and a decent meal that doesn’t hurt when he chews. Likewise, I would like to stop pouring our college fund money into Tylenol & Motrin stock. At this point, I think they should stop taking our money and start sending us some samples for free.

February 27, 2007

Big brains?

Filed under: Body Parts — by mvmommy @ 2:33 pm

If anyone has seen my children, they know that they are top heavy. Yes, Yes, they have big heads.

Andrew’s head has evened out now that he is 2.5. But for a long time we had to cut all the necklines of the shirts we bought, just to get them over his head.

Justin, unfortunately, still has a long way to go until he will grow into his head. We have to get shirts that have buttons at the neckline & even those are too small for his head. Likewise, he wears hats the same size as Andrew & always has. No cute baby beanies for this kid. Yesterday’s doctor’s visit only helped to point out the obvious.

Apparently the poor kid has a head that doesn’t even register on the charts. In fact, if he was 2… it would STILL be off the charts. And if he was 3 .. his head, as it is now, would be around the 85th percentile. Now that is one big noggin!

I don’t care, I think he’s adorable. And there is nothing wrong with him (so don’t start worrying), he just hasn’t grown into his head yet. The only problem I see, is the fact that he is still bald.

So he has this enormous head, and he’s bald, which pretty much is like a beacon telling people to come over and gush over him. If I have a hat on him, he is like every other kid. When I take the hat off… millions of women come over and want to touch him like he’s Buddha. The other day at the mall I had 4 ladies who didn’t speak English following us around for about 10 minutes giggling and smiling at him.. trying to make him laugh. All they could say in English that I could understand was ‘cute’. Justin of course eats that stuff up. So he’ll turn on the charm and smiles, which pretty much melted these ladies into a ball of goo on the floor.

From the way I describe him, you would imagine him to be this tiny kid with this gargantuan head. He’s not. He’s a huge kid… with an even HUGER head. So he’s a force to be reckoned with, especially now that he has started using his head as a weapon. Now that he can walk, he has started head-butting me whenever he wants me to put him down. I think I can safely say that it’s only me who is getting hurt when this happens.

I must thank my darling husband for this. Without him generously passing on this hereditary trait … I wouldn’t have the big bruise on my forehead from today’s head-butting match. Thanks Nathan.

February 13, 2007

Boob obsession

Filed under: Body Parts — by mvmommy @ 3:35 pm

At this point, I have many many stories about my kids and their obsession with their bodies. It’s not hard to imagine I would, they are boys… and they are two… so they are going to be curious. Many of my stories are inappropriate, so I keep them to my personal conversations with friends and family. We all get a good laugh at the innocence and lack of social skills that comes with still being a toddler. And we also laugh at our ridiculous attempts to be blase, while holding a ‘serious’ conversation about boobs or a penis with a 2 yr old.

Today’s body adventure went something like this:

Andrew & I were sitting next to each other at the dinner table, goofing around. He started this silliness by thumping my belly a few times. But then unexpectedly, he grabbed my boob the way a 16 year old kid would with his first girlfriend … with this stupid smile on his face like he knew he was doing something that might not be okay, but boy was it fun to try anyway. He has never done this before, and I was rendered immobile for a second due to the shock of it all.

When I regrouped – QUICKLY – I told him that Mommy’s chest was only for MOMMY. And I proceeded to remove his hand.

He responded by simply going a different route, and asking ‘can we see?’ while attempting to claw at my shirt.

Again, I said, NO WAY… stop grabbing my shirt & sit down and eat your dinner.

At this point, Nathan is pretty much smirking across the table from us, waiting for the inevitable.

Sure enough, Andrew was not to be thwarted. He grabbed the neckline of my scooped shirt, tried to shove his face down it, while yelling “WHERE ARE YOOOOOUUUU?”

Of course, Nathan was doubled over laughing at this point. Typical male. But I couldn’t help to giggle either… I mean, who expects this? So I grab my shirt, and started to pry myself away from him. I am trying to have some dignity, without encouraging this behaviour by laughing or making a big deal out of it (which would then ensure that this scenario would happen every night at dinner until I was 80).

Andrew got the message, but not before he yelled out one last parting shot… “Where’s your boobs mom?”

Now come on… that just hurt.

January 29, 2007

A Lesson in Anatomy

Filed under: Body Parts — by mvmommy @ 9:44 pm

The other day my sister was over for lunch. Andrew & Justin love Auntie Katie. She is fun. She lets them do what they want. And she finds them hilarious, which in turn makes them act hilarious.

While I was getting lunch ready, Andrew was talking to Katie. This is what ensued:

Andrew: “Your penis is sticking out”

Katie: “I don’t have a penis honey”

Andrew: “Mom, her penis is sticking out” as he is tugging on me to turn around and look

Me: “No Andrew that is just her zipper and it’s sticking up.” Katie folds down the zipper and tucks it behind the flap “See, it’s not a penis, it’s a zipper. Girls don’t have a penis, only boys do”

Andrew: “What’s that?” as he points to Katie’s sweater

Me: “What are you pointing to honey?”

Andrew: “That. THAT. THHHAAAAT” as he’s pointing to her chest.

Me: “Oh that is Auntie Katie’s sweater”

Andrew: “No under her sweater”

Me: “That is Auntie Katie’s chest”

Andrew: “Her chest and her BOOBS”

(Hummm, I don’t think I call my boobs… boobs. Are my boys trying to join some sort of childhood fraternity with this talk? Nathan! What have you been teaching our kids?)

Me: “To be polite, we call it her chest”

Andrew, mumbling as he walks back into the playroom: “Yeah, her chest AND her BOOBS, Mom”

Ahhhh, I am fighting a lost cause.

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