Mountain View Mommy: Sand, Trucks and Testosterone

November 21, 2007

15 lousy minutes

Filed under: Parenthood — by mvmommy @ 8:18 am

Every time we come home from Andrew’s preschool, it’s a mad dash to get lunch on the table. The kids are usually super hungry from being outside & playing. And I am hungry, and trying to get them fed so that I can eat. Usually things are a bit on edge until their bellies are fed. Today was no different. Except for the following 15 minutes…..

When getting out of the car at home, Justin stepped on Andrew’s bear. His bear is his snuggly and he can’t sleep without it. Since Justin’s shoes were full of mud, that meant it had to get washed… but had to be done before nap time which was in 1 hour. Thus that became priority #1 over food. Into the wash it went, then I went off to make lunch.

But I realized that Justin needed his asthma steroids pretty soon. Since it makes him a bit hyper-active… he needed it to take it now so he could wind down in time for his nap. So I got that into him, and proceeded to make lunch.

However then Andrew insisted upon helping me make lunch – so there was an argument about him washing his hands: he didn’t believe me that I would wait until he was finished, thus didn’t want to go to the bathroom. After negotiation, he finally went.

That was when I heard the gagging. Justin was standing over one of the floor rugs, and looked like he was going to hurl. I tried to talk him into taking a few steps to the hardwood floor – to avoid barf on the weave carpet. I didn’t want to run over to him, for fear that me being excited would make him lose it before I got to him.

‘Luckily’ he took 5 steps and hurled everywhere. At that point, I was trying to reach him without touching the mess. But then he slipped in it, and fell down and banged his head on the floor. So now he was bawling because he was hurt, and bawling because he was covered in barf.

So much for keeping myself vomit-free. I ended up plopping myself right down in the middle of it so that I could pick him up off the floor and try to stop him from from crying. While I was doing this, I was trying to stop Andrew from coming over and stepping in it too. Likewise, I am trying to strip Justin & I from all the clothes we are wearing.

Clothes off, time to clean him up … then I realize he has a poopy diaper. So now I have to figure out whether to clean up the poop or the barf first. And I am still yelling over my shoulder at Andrew to stay away from the mess on the floor.

Justin is now getting hosed down in the sink, naked. I am getting wiped down with a paper towel. A diaper and pants are put back on him, and he is placed on the couch. I turn on a show to distract the kids, while I pray that he doesn’t barf again on the couch. Really I just need five seconds to focus on cleaning the floor before anyone else gets hurt.

While I get started, Andrew decides to unload a bucket of sand onto the couch. As I yell at him to stop taking off the shoes covered in sand… sand spills everywhere on the couch and is now sticking to Justin who is still a little wet from his recent hose-down. Now I have to stop cleaning up the barf and focus on cleaning the couch, the floor, and my kid up from the sand.

Sand is now cleaned up, back to the vomit. Justin is now crying because he’s hungry. Floor is cleaned up finally. I am still in my underwear & bra… and I move to the kitchen to finish making lunch.

At this point Andrew remembers that he wanted to help me, and freaks out. He starts running towards me, yelling at me to stop & wait for him. Of course he smacks his head into the cabinet and starts screaming.

It is at this moment when I chose to lose it. It had only been 15 minutes since we arrived home, and frankly everything was demanding Code Red Priority #1 attention. I excused myself from both my screaming kids… walked upstairs… put some clothes on… and came back down in mismatched clothes… still smelling a little like the poop & barf… and finished lunch.

It is moments like these when words don’t do parenthood justice. There is simply no way to make you feel the same way I felt during those 15 minutes: confused, frustrated, disgusted, overwhelmed, desperate, sympathetic, worried, and all together like a failure as an adult who is supposed to be able to handle situations like these – because for goodness sakes I am the MOM.


1 Comment »

  1. Those are the moments where being the MOM comes into amazingly painful clarity.

    There is no job more demanding and all consuming.

    Good job Mom…you didn’t barf yourself…you have the job nailed!

    Comment by Mary Alice — November 29, 2007 @ 10:13 am |Reply

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