Mountain View Mommy: Sand, Trucks and Testosterone

July 18, 2007

Selective Hearing?

Filed under: Nathan — by mvmommy @ 2:30 pm

My grandparents are one of those couples who could be on a comedy show. They are not funny on purpose, it’s just their interactions that are hilarious. They don’t know it, but they are.

One of the main gripes of both of my grandparents is that the ‘other one’ can’t hear. They are constantly complaining that the ‘other one’ forgot to do something after they were explicitly told to do it. Likewise, the defending party insists that they were not told to do it at all, and that is why it was not done… watering the garden, picking up something at the grocery store, putting an important date on the calendar, etc. Thus the argument ensues over which one is hard of hearing and which one is not.

It’s been going on forever, and behind the scenes everyone else in my family has decided that Grandmom can not hear, and Grandpop refuses to hear. Thus, selective hearing. When my Grandmom talks, he tunes out. It’s actually comical when you test it out. Grandmom can be yapping at him from about 5 feet away for 15 minutes about something he is completely ignoring. And then I can whisper something about fishing, and he would hear it from across the room.

Recently I have decide my husband has those same genes. He seems to have no ability to hear the children between the hours of 11:30 pm – 5:00 am. When it’s time for him to sleep, you would think he locked himself in an invisible sound proof chamber to which nothing short of a sonic boom would wake him up. It is INFURIATING!

Since Andrew has been potty training, he has started waking in the middle of the night to go pee. I can hear him get up the minute his feet hit the floor and he heads down the hall towards our room. I don’t expect Nathan to hear him at this point – I figure this is a mothering gene that he doesn’t have. However, I do expect him to wake up when Andrew rustles into our room by banging the door open and comes to the side of the bed, and practically yells: I NEED TO GO PEE! Unfortunately, Nathan is still snoring away at that point.

So every night for a month I have been waking up in the middle of the night at least once for Andrew’s pee break. And don’t even get me started if Andrew’s having bad dreams… that could tack on an extra 2 visits to the kids rooms. And if Justin is even remotely sick… just tack on 2 more visits. It has not been unusual for me to wake up 2-3 a night in the past month…. sans husband.

But last week pushed me over the edge. Andrew woke up and had an accident. Not only was he bawling in our room – full force – but he was covered in pee. Somehow I was trying to wrangle him into the bathroom to calm down and get cleaned up. Likewise, I was trying change his sheets in the room where Justin was sleeping – without waking him up too. When I say changing sheets, imagine moving the mattress completely off the bed and stripping it down. Clearly not a quiet task. Does the ruckus wake Snoring Beauty? NO!

During this I am sweating. Sweating because I can’t help Andrew who is still crying. And I can’t change the sheets because they are getting stuck in the dark. And I can’t yell for help because I will wake Justin. It is at this point I march into our bedroom and start hitting Nathan to wake up. It takes me literally yelling at him & shaking him to get his butt out of bed. I tell him to take care of Andrew & help him pee while I change the sheets.

The whole time I am changing the sheets, I can hear Andrew still crying for Mommy. When I come out and the bed is changed, I see that Andrew is in the same position I left him, and Nathan is simply sitting on the bathroom floor quietly. He might as well been sleeping there. When I come in, he moves silently back to bed, while I finish up with Andrew & get him back into bed.

By the time I make it back to bed, Nathan is already asleep and I am so wide awake that I can’t sleep for another hour.

What is with that? I could strangle him, but I know that he honestly doesn’t hear it. How is that possible? It was like World War III was waging in our house, and yet his snores were still permeating every corner of the upstairs.

I think I now know how my Grandmother feels when she’s talking to my Grandfather. I bet she wants to hit him with a 2×4. I promise I will never laugh at my Grandfathers antics again… and I also promise that I will strap the baby monitor to Nathan’s head so he is sure to hear the kids in the future.

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