Mountain View Mommy: Sand, Trucks and Testosterone

June 21, 2007

So he thinks he can dance

Filed under: Uncategorized — by mvmommy @ 5:32 pm

Today Andrew woke up from his nap a bit earlier than Justin. So it was some alone time for me and him. I was trying to make the most of it, but he wanted to watch ‘a little show’. So I gave in, and decided that if he’s going to watch TV… maybe I would put on something I wanted to watch. So I turned on ‘So You Think You Can Dance’. My thought was, we are going to a wedding this weekend… he could brush up on a few moves and show them off.

So we watched two couples dance, before he got bored. There were a few mild questions asked through the whole thing. For example, at one part the guy fell on top of the girl on the ground for a Hip Hop Dance… Andrew asked if he was squishing her, and why. And then during the Jazz performance, the guy was doing flips and all sorts of exciting acrobatics. Once he lept over his partner and did a somersault. This resulted in Andrew quickly looking at me and saying, ‘What did he do that for!!!’. He was very excited about it all since he had just been learning them in gymnastics, but not excited enough to keep watching. He still requested Barney instead.

A few hours later, Justin woke up. We were upstairs and Andrew was doing some crazy dance moves. I asked him what he was doing and he said ‘dancing like the man’. I started to laugh. He was jumping and trying to do a somersault and flip around door frames. It was hilarious.

But the kicker was when he actually saw Justin sitting on the ground and tried to leap over him into a somersault. Seriously, he was trying to to the exact move he just saw on TV. Justin was almost taken out by the low flying leap. And Andrew almost landed on his head. But both boys thought they were hilarious.

I just thought…. so much for letting my child watch a safe non-child-endangering dancing show. I guess we go back to the stupid Purple Dinosaur again.

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June 20, 2007

Self-Fulfilling Destiny

Filed under: Stuff — by mvmommy @ 6:37 pm

Today I was made painfully aware of some of the things I like to brush under the rug. The things that I know are there, but I do nothing to change them.

It started with the dentist. For many people, they hate the dentist. I actually LOVE to go have my teeth cleaned. I schedule it 6 months on the nose. Who knows why, I just like it. However, I hate to floss. So every time I go, I get the ‘floss discussion’. In recent years, I have been actually working on flossing. But not so much in the past 6 months. So when the nurse asked me how my teeth were, I summed it up by saying, “You will like my brushing. My teeth feel fine, My gums are swollen due to the fact I haven’t been flossing. I not trying to make a statement out of this, I just know that is what you are going to say… so I am summarizing for you”.

I figured maybe she would skip her lecture. However, I was wrong. And she made extra sure that I felt the fact that my gums were swollen by poking them around a lot. It was the first time I actually hated going to the dentist. And to add insult to injury, the dentist came in and told me that I had a cavity. The cavity is in a place that cannot be repaired because it’s between the teeth. It can only be created due to lack of flossing.

Great. Lesson learned. Self-fulfilling Destiny Moment #1.

Later I was talking to my girlfriend about a wedding I am attending this weekend. We were lamenting over the fact that we are back to our pre-two-births-weight… we still look ‘fat’. That our body type is no longer the same. I then resolved to help out my situation by going to the nearest department store and buying “SPANX”. I have a few nameless friends who have been swearing by them, and thought why not!

So I left the kids with a sitter and before my hair cut, I ran to the store. I had ten minutes and I crammed my body into these teeny tiny lycra suctions of death. They did a good job. But not nearly the Jessica Alba look I was hoping for. But a tad better than the post-birth version of myself. So I bought one.

I then had 2 minutes to find something to eat before my hair appointment. MacDonalds was the only thing close by. So I slammed back a Quarter Pounder as I raced to the salon. It was at that moment with my Bloomingdale’s bag swinging from one arm with SPANKX in it… and my cheeseburger in the other, that I was faced with the irony of it all.

Disgusted at myself, I resolved to rectify the situation soon (after I finished the burger). Self-fulfilling Destiny Moment #2

Let’s just hope that when I am at the wedding this weekend… people will focus on my recently highlighted, lovely hair. That part of my day went very well. I will attempt to hide the puffy gums and protruding belly by distracting folks like they are 3 year olds … “Hey everyone … look at something shiny… look at my hair!

June 19, 2007

Spider Man

Filed under: Nathan — by mvmommy @ 7:29 am

When I married my husband, I knew that he was not going to be the one to kill the bugs in our house. I knew this because of the story he repeatedly told me about being a little boy living in Texas. He only lived there for a year, but apparently that was all it took to traumatize him forever.

He describes bugs as ‘big as his head’ living there. And seriously, he will not back-down from that description. He SWEARS they were that big. So thus, he runs like a little girl every time a bug comes near him. (Okay that might be an exaggeration, but seriously you should see his arms flailing all over trying to shoo a random bug away). Maybe he thinks that since he grew up, so did the bugs. Thus, they were keeping the size ratio even over the years. Yeah, you know, because the bugs have been eating their Wheaties, just so as no to be out-done.

Tonight there was a MONSTER of a spider in our bedroom. I don’t even notice these things. I walked right past it to the bathroom. Of course, he noticed. It’s the first thing he saw when walking into our room. He wasn’t even aware of the fact that our bed was made for the first time in a month. Nothing deterred him from noticing the spider on the wall.

When I told him, “you’d better get that.” He just looked at me and said “YOU’D better get that.” Yup. That’s right. My hunk of a husband, super-duper triathlete, all-around awesome man… crippled by the little ‘ol spider.

I told him that I would, but I can’t reach it. It’s on the ceiling and it was too high. So he simply informed me that the Lysol can was in the bathroom and I could use that. Sure enough, I had to take that tactic. Perched on the side of the bed, leaning over the dresser, angled at the ceiling… I shot at the poor spider.

The thing went tumbling down behind our dresser… about 2 feet away from our bed… and who the heck knows where it is right now. I tried finding it with a flashlight, but no luck.

So now I can’t sleep for fear of retribution. I am sure that the spider’s gonna get me. And I blame my husband. If he would have just man’d up and got that spider, we could all be sleeping right now. If he sleeps in the guest room, you can bet he will blame my snoring… but we will all know the truth.

June 18, 2007

Things I should have bought stock in…

Filed under: Parenthood — by mvmommy @ 8:03 pm

Before having kids, there were strategic financial moves I should have invested in. They are readily apparent on a daily basis… multiple times.

1. Spray and Wash… which leads to Tide Detergent… which can also lead to Bleach

2. Wipes… which obviously leads to Diapers… which inevitably leads to Potty Training Underpants (because there is no way I am cleaning up underpants that someone poop’d in… they are going straight in the trash)

3. Dannibles Yogurt… Goldfish… Chicken Nuggets and Apple Juice. After a play-date my house seems depleted of these items.

4. Swiffer sweeper covers… because the sand never goes away…and I keep swiffering swiffering swiffering.

5. 409 for a million reasons….. but mostly milk, apple juice, and now pee on the floor

6. Paper towels … because for goodness sakes we are taking down one tree after another in this house

7. Children’s toothbrushes… who knew that they would be used to clean toilet bowls, the floor, the walls, and everything except their mouths

8.Children’s tylenol. That stuff is sucked down so often in our house, you might as well put an IV in.

9. Sippy cups. Where in the hell do they disappear to? I had 100, I now can only find 1. They are becoming ‘the lost sock in the dryer’ in our household.

10. Beverages & More – because now that we can walk to that store, it’s getting our business on a nightly basis.

June 15, 2007

Mr. Boss Man

Filed under: Stories — by mvmommy @ 5:19 am

Nathan’s youngest sister always tells stories about how when she was little, her older brother & sister used to boss her around. She freely admits to doing everything they said… in order to win their affection. And they freely admit to taking advantage of her on purpose… in order to get rid of her for a few minutes. For example, apparently they used to ask her what time it was over and over and over. This way, she would have to leave the room, to check the clock, and come back. She would then be asked the time again, a few minutes later. Being the littlest one, she fell for it every time. Now at 27, she is righteously indignant at their behaviour.

I always laugh at these stories, because I don’t remember doing that with my sister. Thus, I couldn’t really picture my kids doing that to each other – until today.

Andrew wanted more milk. He was being whiny and wouldn’t bring the glass to me. So I was ignoring him. He finally pushed it off the table, in the attempt to get it closer to my general direction… but I told him he had to pick it up and bring it over if he wanted me to fill it. Then I promptly went back to ignoring him until he did. His response to this was,

“No, I don’t have to pick it up. Justin will pick it up. JUUUSSSTIN -come here. (Justin comes over).

Pick up my glass Justin. (Justin lays down on the ground, shimmies under the table like an army commando, and gets the glass).

Justin give me my glass. (Justin hands it to him).

See Mommy, Justin got it. Will you fill it up now?”

I just stared at him, a bit bewildered. Justin was a willing participant in this flagrant abuse of brotherly love. So I can’t yell at him. I did try explaining that his little brother wasn’t his whipping boy. But he simply responded, ‘wasn’t that nice of Justin’. As if his noticing, made it all right.

Two minutes later I overheard Andrew tell Justin: “Justin go find a monster truck for me”. Andrew was sitting on the couch in the living room. The monster truck was in the playroom. Justin just got up, went in the playroom, got the truck, and brought it back. Andrew thanked him by saying “Good Job Justin, that was nice.”

At least he used his manners.

June 14, 2007

Dad Travelling

Filed under: Stuff — by mvmommy @ 5:13 am

When Nathan travels some things are easier… some are harder.

Easier :

No alarm clock at 5:30 going off 3 times for swim practice
Less laundry
Less things to pick up: shirt/boxers from bathroom floor
Frozen meals, previously prepared, are busted out for dinner & there are lots of leftovers
The house is exactly where I want everything to be, when I want it to be there, no need to discuss it

Harder:

Breakfast – Daddy is better at getting it ready just when they want it, how they want it, where they want it
Bath-time – the kids want daddy & mommy stinks… especially when she forces everyone to wash their hair
Finding all the stuff that is ‘missing’ because it’s in the back of Daddy’s car, which is parked at the airport – Justin’s shoes, his hat, the stroller, the park cooler
End of the day – no patience, no break, many tears (from my kids)
Missing adult conversation and his general wonderful presence (no sarcasm intended… that is for real)

Confessions for coping:

30 minutes more TV a day – total 1 hour
Calling upon all friends, family for non-stop visitations
Another glass of wine
Chocolate Molten cake from Trader Joe’s… now in the oven… ready to be eaten.

Gotta go.

June 13, 2007

Downplaying my kids?

Filed under: Parenthood — by mvmommy @ 1:53 pm

Today a friend of mine asked me, jokingly of course, if I was trying to make my kids sound bad so that she’d think they were angels every time she sees them.

Honestly, I can say that I am not.

However, I can see where she would think that.

She babysat last weekend for us, and I was sure that the kids were going to blow a gasket. I warned her about all the things that they try to pull on me: Andrew refusing to go nicely to the potty, Justin pulling the cat’s tail, Andrew sneaking out of bed, Justin bawling when we leave, both boys refusal to brush teeth before bed.

Sure enough, the kids did none of those things with her, and behaved wonderfully.

Today I saw her again at summer camp. She was the work parent today, so I gave her the heads up that Andrew woke up an hour early and Daddy was gone on a business trip. Thus, he was a bit cranky. When I came back to pick him up, she reported no problems. No tantrums. No incidents. She looked at me like I was crazy for even worrying.

Thus resulting in her comment about whether I downplay my kids good-behaviour.

Again she was joking, but I had to wonder if I do. Often I see the bad stuff, and others don’t. It’s because it’s not their kids – and they aren’t obsessing over the fact that they don’t want to raise brats. Likewise, my kids only feel comfortable acting like complete jackasses when they are with me. I don’t think I realized this before now. Until they feel like your family, they will be kind, loving, polite, maybe rambunctious… but generally great. When they are home, the shit will hit the fan.

I just assume that all that bad/crazy behaviour will roll-over into our public outings, but often it doesn’t. I guess I have that working on my side. If I had to choose where they should freak out … it might as well be at home when I can close my eyes, grab a beer from the fridge, and wait for the screaming to stop.

NO, I am not downplaying my kids. That is exactly what was happening this morning before summer camp (minus me grabbing the beer).

However, next time, I will keep my fears of bad public behaviour to myself. If the kids want to unleash their inner demons… I will let all parties in a 10 mile radius be surprised, rather than forewarned. That should keep things interesting.

June 12, 2007

Caulking gun

Filed under: Stories — by mvmommy @ 7:49 pm

It’s fun stuff when your kid says something that sounds like something else.

I think by the title of this blog, you can guess what I am referring to.

Talking about caulking something, or what caulk is, or a caulking gun can be great fun with Andrew saying cock all night. I know it’s childish. But it’s hard not to laugh when he keeps talking about cock for hours.

What is even funnier is why we were using a caulking gun in the first place. Andrew has a potty seat (you know one of those cushy foam ones that sits on top of your own toilet seat). This potty seat has a really lame opening in the front, underneath the seat. It’s positioned perfectly so that when little boys pee… their pee gets caught in the opening and pours all over your hand when you remove the seat. Brilliant. No matter how you remove it… pee gets all over you.

Thus I decided to bust out the caulking gun. There is nothing like a little over-achievement when it comes to household fix-it projects. Now, Andrew goes around talking about how the little opening is forever sealed by ‘cock’ and how he wants to play with the ‘cock gun’.

I would bet $100 this is going to come up at summer camp tomorrow.  I don’t think Teacher Nancy is going to think it’s as funny as we do.

June 10, 2007

Making a toupee

Filed under: Stories — by mvmommy @ 10:22 pm

You might think he is bald, but he’s not.

Justin actually does have a few wisps of hair on the back of his head that were too long to fit in with the rest of his army crew-cut. It seems that these stray hairs were growing quite nicely, but the rest of his hair is not. Maybe his large head cannot sustain that much hair growth. Instead, it must focus on quarter sized patches of hair, one by one. Who knows why it grows like it does. But for a month now we have been looking at the old-man-hair-receding-look and wondering when it might be time to give him his first haircut.

I have had many people come up to me already and ask me if I shave his head. Seriously? Really? Why would I shave my 1.5 yr old’s head? I just look at these people and smile. It’s up to them to figure it out.


But now it’s time. It’s time to take those scissors and make a respectable bald toddler out of him. If he’s going to resist follicle growth – let’s embrace it and make the whole head bald. Let’s trim those 10 wayward hairs and declare this a no-grow zone.

If nothing else, we can use them for later to make a toupee for his inevitable receding hairline. Or the next time someone asks if we shave his head, we can pull those hairs out of our pocket and say “yeah, you want to see it?”

June 8, 2007

No means No. Really?

Filed under: Stories — by mvmommy @ 1:12 pm

It’s no wonder that some people are confused with the concept of ‘No means NO. ‘ I don’t mean men on the prowl. I mean parents with toddlers.

Justin’s favorite word is NO. A resounding, fully-pronounced, almost yell: NO!

Sometimes he will just walk around the house generally mumbling stuff to himself, and then yell NO! For no apparent reason.

The thing that kills me is that he knows when to use it, and does so with such finesse.

Me: Do you want more cauliflower?

Justin: NO! – while shaking his head so violently it could cause shaken kid syndrome. And all the while, pushing the fork across the table.

Andrew: Can I have that truck?

Justin: NO! While grabbing the truck and stumbling running away as fast as his chubby little 1.5 yr old legs will carry him to keep claim over his precious toy.

Justin: “HIT? NO!!!! ” Then he smacks his older brother despite telling himself not to. This is probably to get him back for trying to take the truck from him earlier

The thing is that often No means Yes.

He might actually want the cauliflower that I was trying to help him spear with the fork. But he yelled no. When I take the cauliflower away, he will start yelling NO again. So I give it back, again he starts yelling NO . So I try to hand him the fork – NO again. Finally I put the fork on the table, bowl on the table and walk away. Sure enough, he wanted the cauliflower. He just wanted to pick up the fork himself – not have it handed to him. He wanted to spear it himself – not be helped with it. And he wanted to have a bigger piece of cauliflower – not the little one that was being offered.

So I guess sometimes No really means Yes.

Like the times when Nathan says… honey would you like more wine? I may say, NO. But really I mean, OH PLEASE YES.  Feel free to pass me that bottle.

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